Am I bringing up a loner???

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I fear this a lot when I look at Lil P. Am I bringing up a loner??? Lil P is a normal 4 (and a half) year old.. Loves her dolls, is sweet mannered and rarely temperamental. She is a darling and pretty social among adults but when you put her in a group of 4-6 year olds .. she is uncomfortable.. almost aloof.
I can understand when she avoids kids who are boisterous or very physical.. she being fussy, ultra careful in nature. Even at school she sticks to her own group and you can mostly find her chatting with adults.. ayahs and teachers and rarely with kids. At home too.. she is content reading or playing or watching TV by herself.
I know most of you would be nodding your heads and saying.. ohh where is the problem in that?? .. But It does make me feel guilty .. and slightly anxious that she is turning into a loner. I know this 2 kids funda is really good for the kid, but we are not ready for the commitment. My friend Lohit always says – “Having kids is an investment – an 100% investment of time, energy and love. Even if one is missing, you are not ready for it.”
and its true isn’t it.. I don’t think I could have another kid. I’ve always wanted  a daughter and I have one. I’m so very confused.  Looking at Lil P I’m scared that we are too late already. She’ll b 5 this sept. I have a sister who is 5 years younger to me.. and we never played together. We are pretty close as adults but as kids I don’t think we were really great pals.
I try to take Lil P  to parks so that she mingles with other kids but she will go and play on the swings or in the sand pit on her own. In a group she acts fussy, demands attention and sulks when she doesn’t get it. She shares her stuff, yet is very clingy. She goes to a day care facility after school and is ok around those kids I think. Should I be worried?? All you single kids .. or parents of single kids.. do share your views

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  1. Well, I am neither a parent nor a single kid, but I can relate to this very well. In-spite of having 2 sisters I always found myself alone at home playing with dolls. My elder sis is 5 years older to me and my younger is a year and a half younger. They had their own set of friends near home and I dint have any in my age group, they would never take me along and even if they did, I felt an odd unwelcome feeling and preferred staying back home and talking to my teddy bears and dolls.
    Even at school I had my own little group and I stuck to them. If they were not around, I would rather sit alone, than mingle with the rest of the girls.
    What changed it was I started spending a lot of time with dad in my teenage days and he showed an immense confidence in me. He became my best friend and supported me in every way possible. Even if he had his own doubts about my ability, when I was in doubt he would come up with his favorite line “You are my daughter, there is nothing you cant do”. From a shy kid who couldn’t repeat a mugged up speech in front of a class of 50 students, I transformed into a girl who stood on a stage in front of crowd of 300 and hosted events fearlessly and impromptu.
    I dont know if this helps in anyway, but I was compelled to reply to this post 🙂

  2. @Preeti: Hmmm… So I guess I have to just give her time to grow n evolve into who she really is that worry too much rt? Huggs. you must miss ur dad so much.

  3. I am neither, the latter not yet, but have many single cousins and see that they hv turned out just fine. I think it’s a matter of time. Hugs!

  4. Shruti dont worry about ur daughter .She will be alright once she moves to higher classes . My daughter turns 5 this october , she needs kids to play with her.In this apartment culture only few kids come out of their home and play . she felt lonely .At one point of time ,she started treating her soft toys as friends and speak with them . We were worried ,this act let us to have her a companion .Now, we have a 2 month old son . She is more happy and stopped talking with toys .I think the age difference doesnt affect relationship.

  5. and you put in words my thoughts..R is just 3,..she has her set of friends but she is pretty shy in a group of her age…its okie Shruti…I have a lot of single child friends and they are extremely nice people 🙂 if you want another child, its never too late..once they grow up they will be really really close..and if you dont want another child..its great as well because Lil’P is your child and knowing how social you are, she will turn out to be like other way 🙂 hugs darling

  6. Ohh Shruti,I think its about being 4..Babushka was the same..she was more comfortable with adults,well mannered and everything, but she was different with kids her age.. but I see that changing slowly and recently,when her teacher told me,that she is a very friendly with kids,I was quite surprised.I guess they grow at the their own pace and surely,she Li’L P will find her comfortable place.My sister was 2 years younger than me,even then we were and are poles apart..I am an extrovert and she an introvert,but she is fine,has her select friends that she is comfy with..:) And like everyone said,she is your daughter,she will turn out,just fine!That being said,5 years age gap is not so bad..:P Babs will be 4 and half when the baby comes and I see that she is looking forward to it more than we are so,if and when u are ready,go for it..:) and even if not,even then,its OK,hai na?

  7. Shruti,I don’t think there is anything wrong in being a loner. Loners are not sad people. They are normal people…their happiness doesn’t depend on others because they can have fun in their own company. In fact, most creative ppl are loners 🙂

    I was born n brought up in a BIG joint family of 18-20 ppl yet i grew up to be a loner. I was a chatterbox..i can still talk my friend’s ears off but I often get uncomfortable at public events but then I do attend them when its important. I am most comfortable n happy when I am just with myself. As a child n teenager, I did play with my brothers & cousins but I was happiest when I was left alone ..just in my own company. I spent hrs alone with my dolls, making doll houses, stitching clothes for them..painting, doing paper craft.

    As far as the age difference btwn siblings is concerned..well! i have 2 elder brothers one is 9 yrs older to me n other is 7 yrs n we’ve best friend since childhood. 🙂

    My brother has 2 daughters. the elder one was a single child for 5 yrs. She didn’t share her stuff with anyone, was clingy..she prefered to play alone but she transformed into a caring & loving elder sister once her baby sister was born. Now she happily shares all her toys with her sister who is 5 yrs younger n are good friends 🙂

    Don’t worry 🙂